Our Tubal Reversal Dreams

Another week has passed...

2005-01-16T19:58:00.000-06:00

Another week has passed, and at least I am closer to my goal. Between last week and this week, I have been able to put almost $700 into my "baby fund". Fund stands at just under $1,000 to date. I wish my hubby would be as willing to deposit into it...he said we have to pay bills with our tax refund, and originally we discussed using some of it towards the reversal. I may just end up paying for the procedure by myself. :-( At this point, with or without him I WILL get this done. Everyday I feel more and more angry at myself for allowing any man to control my reproductive rights, as I allowed my ex to do. So I guess now I have no choice but to finance it myself. A month into this site, and not one donor. I know my cause isn't any worse than any others, so I will just have to plan on doing it myself.

At work we have a special section coming up, and if I can sell my rear off I can clear a whole lot of money. Somehow I have to make that happen. I need to sell, sell, sell, so that I can get on with the rest of my life.

I hope your week is great. I have a busy week ahead of me!

Jennifer

Outrage in Virginia...

2005-01-08T10:37:00.000-06:00

I normally don't take a stand on much, because I am not very politically involved, but I think I will make an exception for this one....

A message list I am on sent a link to the Daily Kos Political Rant Blog article entitled VA Legislative Sentry: Have a Miscarriage, Go to JAIL? and I became exceptionally angry. As a woman who has had multiple miscarriages and someone who has watched her mother have so many miscarriages we lost count, I am both angry and sad. My mother got to the point that she told no one except my father and myself (not even my little brother because he became so upset and confused at one minute being a big brother and the next not), and the thought of her having to report these nightmares to the authorities angers me greatly. To this day I can remember the tone of dispair tinging her voice as she would call my father into the bathroom. I always knew that meant she had lost yet another baby to a body that constantly would try to reject the fetus. But...she should have remembered to report this nightmare to the authorities, right?

The Bill Itself

HB1677, "Report of Fetal Death by mother, penalty" is a bill introduced by John A. Cosgrove (R) of Chesapeake.

The full text of HB1677 reads as follows: When a fetal death occurs without medical attendance, it shall be the woman's responsibility to report the death to the law-enforcement agency in the jurisdiction of which the delivery occurs within 12 hours after the delivery. A violation of this section shall be punishable as a Class 1 misdemeanor.

What you can do...
If you find this bill as offensive as I do, what can you do now? A few ideas...

If you live in Virginia, write a letter asking Delegate Cosgrove how his bill will benefit the people of the Commonwealth.
If you live in Virginia, write to your Delegate and State Senator to express your views on this bill and demand that they oppose it.
Post about this outrage on every message board, mailing list and website you can. Read other's opinions about this invasion of our privacy at these other blogs, Democracy for Virginia and Chez Miscarriage. Contact the media to bring public attention to this bill. If people are aware, there is less chance of it being passed unopposed with no public knowledge.

This is a bill that could have negative ramafications outside the state of Virginia. If this bill passes, other states might take notice and think that it is a "good idea" for them too. Share your anger and outrage so that your state doesn't get on board too.

As a staunchly pro-life woman, I am upset. I can only imagine how a pro-choice woman would feel, as they already have the belief that the state has no control over what happens with their own body. For once, an issue that both the pro-life and pro-choice can join together over...

Happy protesting,

Jennifer

Happy New Year!

2005-01-01T19:53:00.000-06:00

Happy new year to all those who are reading this! I am glad we made it through the holiday season, and I can't believe we are now welcoming in 2005! It seems like yesturday people were fearing the world would end as we watched 2000 come and go.

But anyway, I am hoping that 2005 is healthy and prosperous for all those I know. My resolution is to go on a diet and lose some of my excess weight. I am also going to try to be more giving of myself to others.

I guess it takes a day like New Years for all of us to take a step back and think of others before ourselves. I wish you and yours the best in the coming year, and I hope to hear from you all soon!

Jennifer

The day after Christmas...

2004-12-26T18:44:00.000-06:00

Another holiday season has passed, another Christmas without our baby. It was difficult as we looked around and saw happy families sharing the joy of the season with a new life. Pat and I talk almost daily about our dream to be able to concieve. Something a few years ago I took so for granted, now is such an unattainable dream, and it is very painful for us.

We did get to watch the joy on our three children's faces as they opened their gifts from Santa. It really does take so little to make children happy, and the holidays are truely proof of that. I think my youngest said it best, when he wrote to Santa that "Christmas is my favorite time of year because it is a family time of year." Sometimes it amazes me that he is only six years old, because he speaks with a wisdom of many more years.

This holiday was difficult for me for another reason. Last Monday we recieved a phone call from a client of mine (I am an advertising representative). Suddenly a client of mine passed away. My client was a healthy 49 year old man, very active in the community, but most of all, he was a husband to a loving wife and a devoted father to a boy in his early teens. Although I had known Bobby* for a brief time, he was fun and always made me laugh. My husband's family has known Bobby for years and I think his death hit them harder. I feel so badly for Bobby's family, and I know this holiday was very difficult for them with Bobby's death so close to Christmas.

Hold those you love tightly, and my holiday wish to all who are reading this is happiness, health and a wonderful season with all you love!

Jennifer

*Name changed to protect the privacy of the family.

Thoughts on Christmas...

2004-12-20T15:21:00.000-06:00

The Christmas season is always the toughest for my husband and me. Each holiday that passes is another holiday without a baby. My husband will be 40 in just over a month, and we know that time is ticking ever passes. Holidays are a time of family, and we want nothing more than a little one to hold.

The news reports from nearby Skidmore, Missouri have brought us even more pain. The stories of Bobbie Jo Stinnett and her little girl are horrible, and I can't bear the thought that any woman could inflict the kind of horror and pain that Lisa Montgomery did upon Bobbie Jo. I pray that Little Girl Stinnett comes through this horrible ordeal a healthy little girl. My wishes remain with her family, and I hope they can find the strength to come through as a family for their sakes and for that of the little girl that will need lots of love and reassurance.

Time for me to go to bed. 7:00am comes far too quickly and I know I will be dragging in the morning!

Jennifer

Our Tubal Reversal Dreams!

2004-12-20T00:52:00.000-06:00

Everyone has dreams. Most people dream of a being successful and rich. Others dream of being famous. Our dream is to be able to have a baby.

I was blessed with three beautiful children. My babies are no longer babies, but they are miracles just the same. I met the father of my children when I was only 18 years old. At the time I felt he was a good man, and one who would love his children with all his being. I became pregnant with my oldest daughter, Elizabeth while using a condom, and although we weren't married, we thought together we could make a good family for our little girl.

Two years later we had a second child. Once again we were using protection when we concieved, this time I was taking birth control pills. Our marriage had become rocky by this time, but when the pregnancy test became positive, we were happy. We were excited for our oldest daughter to have a sibling, and we enjoyed every moment of the pregnancy. In August 1996, Morgan entered the world. Our Morgan is intelligent and curious, and was a joy to behold as an infant. I felt my world was complete.

The "wonderful" father by this time had disappeared, and was replaced by an angry, unpredictable man. I had begun to fear the man I was married to, and lived my life fearing him. I became pregnant soon after Morgan was born, and he forced me to terminate the pregnancy. He drove me to an abortion clinic with two babies in tow. I will remember until my dying day the people trying to convince me that I was killing my child. I pleaded with my former husband to change his mind, but he told me if I didn't go through with the abortion, he would leave the children and me and take everything we owned.

A year later, my former husband moved the children and I to another state far from our family and friends. The children and I no longer had anywhere to turn if I decided to leave, and that was what my husband wanted. He wanted us to be alone and totally dependant on him, and that is what he got. I no longer wanted to sleep in the same room as him, and most nights I would sleep with the girls. When he wanted sexual relations, he would drag me into the bedroom with him and force me to have sex with him.

In February 1998, I discovered I was pregnant again. I was heartbroken and elated all at the same time. I feared that my husband would again attempt to force me to terminate the pregnancy, and I knew I couldn't do that. I still was having trouble living with myself for allowing him to force me to have one abortion, I knew a second one would kill me. This time, when my husband ordered me to terminate the pregnancy, I put my foot down and informed him I wouldn't do it again.

In order to be allowed to keep my baby, my husband told me that I *had* to have my tubes tied. If I refused both, he told me he would leave me and take our girls with him. He didn't want the girls, and he stated that he would give them to his mother if I didn't get my tubes tied. In order to keep my babies, I promised I would tie my tubes and I wouldn't "make" him have anymore children.

Just over a year after the birth of our son, I took the children and left my former husband for good. He voluntarily relinquished his parental rights to the children and we never saw him again.

Fast forward to October 1999...

I met a wonderful man who fell in love, not only with me, but my children as well. We married in August 2002, and in the time we have been together we have become a family. He adopted my three children in July 2004, and there is only one thing missing in our lives...a baby of our own.

My husband has never had a child of his own, and all three of our children desperately want a little brother or sister. We have so much to give a baby, but due to the continuing reign of terror my former husband left on our lives we are unable to concieve.

We can afford to give a wonderful life to a baby, but we are unable to afford the costs of reversing the tubal ligation. We are requesting kind souls to reach into their hearts and help us afford the costs of the tubal ligation reversal surgery so that we can be blessed with the pitter patter of little feet.

Please visit our site and help us make our dream become a reality!

Jennifer